I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
