I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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