Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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