i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
