I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
