Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He uses pillows to masturbate.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
