i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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