...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I didn't notice because vodka
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
