I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.â€
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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