Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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