you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
