i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
