I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
