Im at strip club and am horny
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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