don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
