No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
