She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
