I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
