I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
