Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
