Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
