So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
