My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
