There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
