Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
