I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
