Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Randomize
