I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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