lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
