its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
