saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
