So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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