I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
