So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
