It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
