Having a random hookup so left but love u
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I am available for nakedness
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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