Yo dont text me then not text me
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
