i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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