does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
