So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
