I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
