Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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