just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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