everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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