barbara walters just said penis...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
