So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
