guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She needs sedatives and a leash
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
