you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
