Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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