someone get that fucking seahorse.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
