So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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