Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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