He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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