when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
