You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
