i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
