Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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